🤭 Here’s Why Wanting Others To Change Is NOT Working!

As much as you really wished that someone would alter their behaviour so that you felt better, it never works!

Why? (read on)

Understanding the Mind: What Our Reactions Reveal About Us

You are only able to make choices in how you react/respond to what other’s do and your environment and CANNOT make someone do something that they don’t want to do, no matter how much pressure you put on them to change.

You see, our behaviour is more than just actions; it’s a window into our mind, offering clues about our deepest thoughts, beliefs, and emotions. When we react rather than respond to the circumstances around us, we often let our subconscious patterns take control, revealing what’s really going on inside.

Reactions vs. Responses: The Difference

Reacting and responding may seem similar, but they stem from different places within us. A reaction is immediate, often driven by emotion, habit, or impulse. It’s the automatic, knee-jerk answer to a situation. Responding, on the other hand, is a more thoughtful and deliberate action. It involves pausing, processing the situation, and choosing how to act.

When we react, we’re often not fully aware of the underlying reasons behind our behaviour. Our reactions can be driven by past experiences, deep-seated fears, or unexamined beliefs. They’re a reflection of our inner world, often bypassing the rational mind.

The Pattern Playing Out

When we react, we’re usually following a pattern that’s been ingrained in us over time. These patterns can stem from childhood, societal conditioning, or repeated life experiences. They often play out automatically, without us realising it.

For example:

• Defensiveness: If you find yourself getting defensive quickly, it might indicate a fear of being judged or rejected. This reaction could be rooted in past experiences where you felt attacked or misunderstood. (I had this one? 😱)
• Anger: A quick flare-up of anger could be a sign of unmet needs or frustrations that you haven’t fully acknowledged. It might also be a way to protect yourself from vulnerability. (I had this one too! 🧐)
• Avoidance: If you tend to avoid conflict or difficult situations, it could suggest a deep-seated fear of failure or rejection. This reaction pattern might be a way of protecting yourself from potential pain. (Yep… also this one! 😉)

P.S And I still have to keep an eye on when defensiveness, anger and avoidance start to come up. Being aware of my behaviours gives me clues!

What Your Behaviour Says About You

Every reaction tells a story about your inner world. It’s like a map that points to unresolved issues, hidden fears, or unfulfilled desires. By observing our reactions, we can start to uncover these patterns and understand what’s really driving us.

For example, if you notice that you often react with anxiety in certain situations, it might indicate that there’s something deeper going on—perhaps a fear of losing control or not being good enough. By recognising this pattern, you can begin to address the root cause rather than just managing the symptoms. A way better space to be in where you can have a sense of choice build over time.

Personally, I had to get help with this! You can’t see the forest for the trees sometimes right?

 If you know that you have some automatic reactions going on that are showing you that something deeper is happening that needs some resolution, I encourage you to source objective help. 😍

 👉🏻 In the meantime, here’s some tips to get started by moving from reaction to response

The key to breaking these automatic patterns is awareness. When we become aware of our reactions, we can start to change them. This shift from reacting to responding involves several steps:

1. Pause: When you notice yourself reacting, take a moment to pause. This break gives you the space to move out of automatic mode and into a more conscious state. Add some natural paced breathing here too if it helps.
2. Reflect: Ask yourself what’s really going on. What’s triggering this reaction? What underlying beliefs or emotions could be at play?
3. Choose: Decide how you want to respond. Instead of letting the pattern dictate your behaviour, choose a response that aligns with your true values and goals.
4. Practice: Changing patterns takes time and practice. The more you practice responding rather than reacting, the more you’ll rewire your brain to create new, healthier patterns.

My Final Thoughts

Our reactions are powerful indicators of what’s happening beneath the surface. By paying attention to these patterns, we can gain deeper insights into our minds and start to make more conscious choices. Moving from reaction to response isn’t easy, but it’s a crucial step towards living a more mindful and intentional life. And know that I am in your corner should you choose to reach out 💜😀